Motherhood – An Ocean of Emotions

How did it begin?

In the world, full of uncertainty, one thing that is certain is the love of a mother for his child. Every pregnancy is different, so is the journey. We got married in 2015 and soon after my marriage, the expected happened. All our relatives and family members had started asking for a child.

Marriage Photograph

Soon 3 years passed, and in these 3 years many times people misjudged us for not having a baby. But, we decided to have a baby only when we were ready.

The Big News:

One morning by God’s grace that moment came when I got to see those two magical pink lines on my pregnancy test. At that very first moment, a wave of emotions rose in our hearts and something changed me forever. I and my husband, we were happy, excited, amazed, and overwhelmed and what not but at the same time nervous and scared too. The joy of soon becoming a mother brought a wide smile on my face. I still remember that day when I went to my office, almost everyone had noticed my smile. The same day we shared the most awaited news to our respective families and everyone was overjoyed.

The next day we went to a gynecologist and she did some tests and confirmed the news. It is said that the most beautiful phase of a woman’s life is motherhood and I was experiencing the same.

After a week we went for my first ultrasound. And there I heard a tiny heartbeat of my baby for the first time. That sound brought joy and hope in our life. That was the most melodious sound I had ever heard. A mother and a child have the strongest bond as only a child knows how his mother’s heartbeat sounds like from the inside.

Pregnancy Trimester:

Gradually the time passed and my first trimester went well with some odd cravings at odd times, few mood swings, and limited morning sickness. My husband supported me a lot throughout this journey.

Cravings Intensified:

My 2nd trimester or should I say my golden period of pregnancy began with a lot of craving for seasonal fruits and ice creams, cute baby bump, and pregnancy glow. I ate a lot during this trimester. Every day I used to bring at least 7-8 boxes to my office as I ate every 1 hour. I had become a big foodie but it was fun. I miss those days.

Together in this:

I and my husband were enjoying this time. Every evening we’d go for long walks and always discuss how would our life be when the baby arrives. Those walks were one of the best times of our day.

The First Kick

Now my 6th month was running and everything was going fine but I was still waiting for that moment when I feel a kick of those tiny feet from inside. I never ever imagined that I would wait to be kicked so eagerly but I believe that’s the best yet strange part of motherhood, always ready to accept the unexpected. I could feel his kicks day and night. He was enjoying inside and so was I. His little movement gave me joy and made me feel like a new mom.

The Anxious Period:

Soon I was in my final trimester. Now I was counting days to meet my baby. My 7th and 8th months were quite smooth and we used to go to our gynecologist for routine check-up and ultrasound. We used to spend most of our time in online shopping from all baby sites. My 9th month was running and as my delivery was planned in our hometown(my husband and I are from the same place), so I took leaves from my office one month before my delivery date and went to my in-law’s place.

When I reached there, I had viral fever and which causes low amniotic fluid (a condition in this Walter level is low) which increases the chance of C-section. But my gynae told me to take proper medication and after 1 week she did one more ultrasound and this time level was normal. I was happy that now everything is fine and was hoping for normal delivery. My 9th month was completed and still, I was not feeling any pain. We went for our weekly checkup and my gynae said we’ll wait for 1 more week or so and then we’ll make the call.

The complications:

But the next day, in the afternoon suddenly I started bleeding. My mother in law called my gynae and she asked us to come to the hospital immediately. It was Monday and my husband went to his office which is around 75 km away from our hometown (as I shifted to my in-laws place so my husband used to come on the weekend to visit us). My father in law was also not at home so my mother in law and I rushed to the hospital and on the way called my father in law. My gynae did an ultrasound and told me that I am bleeding massively. And informed that normal delivery was very difficult and suggested going for a C-section because if we took a chance then it’d be a risk for both lives.

I was completed shattered as during all this pregnancy time I did everything which I was asked to. I was active and did all the exercises and ate whatever my elders and gynecologist suggested to me still I had to go for a C-section.

First Admittance in the Hospital:

It was the first time that I was admitted to any hospital, I was scared. At that time I wanted my husband to be my side but he was not there. I called him and he told me that it will take at least 90mins to reach here. I told him to drive safely and come soon. My mom reached there too and I hugged her tightly and broke into tears. Maybe cause now I could feel what she had gone through when she gave birth to me.

My gynae came to the room where they admitted me and told me that they will start the procedure in the next 30mins. But I requested her to wait for 1 hour if possible as before going to OT, and I wanted to see my husband. Firstly, she denied but I requested again and finally, she gave approval but she clearly said she won’t wait more than 1 hour. Meanwhile, she asked the Nurses to start the procedure. Needles poked into the left hand and there was a drip attached to it. Then they checked my BP which was popping high. Other nurses were busy in doing preparations for OT.

Pre-Surgery Anxiety:

One hour passed and the nurse came to bring me to OT, I requested her to wait for another 5 mins as my husband has almost reached here but she said they can’t wait anymore and asked me to cooperate. I didn’t say anything as she was right. They gave me enough time. I started walking towards OT but my eyes were still searching for my husband but he was not there.

I entered into the OT and the first question she asked me that have you met your husband?? All I could do was answer with a No and a tear came out of my eyes. After a moment a nurse told me to look behind and as I turned back, he was there, looking and waving through a small glass window of OT door. As soon as I looked at him, a wide smile came to my face. My gynae asked him to remove his shoes and granted him permission to come inside for a minute. I hugged him tightly. He gave me strength. We thanked our gynae and then my husband left OT. Then they started the procedure.

I was reborn as a MOM (The First Meeting) 

There was a team of around 5-6 doctors and some nurses. It took around 15 mins and then I heard that first cry of my baby. That cry brought a smile in our life. That cry made me a MOM from a woman. I was filled with happiness and joy when God gifted us with a cute, little baby boy. At that moment I forgot all fear and pain. Those tiny, sparkling eyes, those little fingers, and toes, I was amazed to see him and wondered how I got so lucky. This is an unexplainable feeling.

Saarik’s First Picture

Present Day

Now he’s in his 8th month and each day I thank god for sending his cute little angel to us.  Throughout this journey, I have experienced all the emotions from getting excited to hear the news of getting pregnant, to being cranky for no reason. From those midnight cravings to weird
mood swings. From being an independent woman to take a break from my professional life. From being that person who uses to cry even for a small cut to happily accepting scars on my body. I believe all these emotions are milestones of motherhood.

Baby Saarik with MOM

I have enjoyed every bit of being Saarik’s mother. He has brought joy in my world that I didn’t know existed. I learn a lot from him every day. Being his mother has brought the best of my creativity. I like to talk to other moms and discuss their journey of being a mother. I participate in baby contests and love dressing him and spending time with him in any fun way possible.

Saarik in his mother’s dress

 

Baby Saarik as Vegetable Vendor

 

Saarik in Fight Corona Contest

I have my own little world and I expect it to be the same all my life. I, my husband and our Saarik are what constitutes my safe heaven.

My Happy Place

 

-Vandana Kathuria Madaan

 

You can check Baby Saarik’s Profile here.

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